Whispers of an Unquiet Mind

Danceverse: it is taking over my brain.  XD  (Danceverse is my new name for The One Where They're Dancers Instead of Ninja, and they have dance fights, and stuff).

( Danceverse! )

...so yeah, that's what's been on my mind lately.  Danceverse.  It's epic.

So, the internship is going fine, I guess.  But anyway.  I had a cracky idea recently!

( Naruto crack. )

So, yes, total crack.  AND YET I'M CHARMED BY IT.  XDDDDD

So, I checked my sims life aspirations.  Ray and Wakar want to be mad scientists.  Liert wants to be a criminal mastermind.  ...sadly, that's not really out-of-character for him.  XD

Also, now Liert wants to see the ghost of Nina.  The hate, it is intense.  They have a -70 relationship, and they've only met ONCE.  O_o

Also also, my sims have extremely low aspiration meters, because I can't fulfill wishes like 'see the ghost of Nina'.  Alas!  XD

But they do feed themselves when about half-down on the hunger meeter...not that they know enough to go to the bathroom, or sleep.  ^_^;;;

Also Ray currently has no skills.  Sorry, Ray...and they all sleep at weird times, like five in the afternoon for Wakar.  Oops.  ^_^;;;

So, the Sims 2 Deluxe works well on my computer, now that I've set it to have an affinity with only one core (my computer is dual-core).  Made the DN AU Sims--Wakar, Liert, and Ray.  Hilarity ensued (for me, at least.  ^_^;;;;).

( Teh lulz that amuse me and no one else. Heh. )

EDIT:  Oh yeah, and I got that job/internship.  I feel vaguely terrified.  O__o

Company coming over was mostly okay.  Crashed after they left and started crying, though.  Being around a lot of people at once just tires me out, and when I'm already in an unstable state, it's a mess.  Oh well.

Am told computer games cannot be returned to Best Buy.  Feel that this sounds illogical.  Will do further research.

Must call my psychiatrist tomorrow.  I know I have to tell her about the crying and all, but I'm worried that that'll make her think it's not a good time to stop taking the meds.  But I don't care.  I don't need her permission, I'm just asking for her help.

People coming over tomorrow for Matt's graduation party.  I'm just hoping I don't start crying in front of them.  More crying today and yesterday.  I don't feel sad, I'm just...I dunno.  Flat.  Blank.  And crying.  I feel...not myself, I guess?  Dunno.

In other news, after checking specs more carefully and learning from my brother that no, you cannot upgrade a graphics card in a laptop, I have realized that I only checked my specs for the Sims 2, not the Sims 2 Double Deluxe, which seemed like a good deal because it's the same price but with more stuff.  However, my graphics card--well, actually it's a chip, but anyway--can run the Sims 2, but NOT the expansion packs that came with this.  So I have decided to return this and get the actual Sims 2, which will hopefully run properly.  Must be more careful in checking specs in future...

Also, my brother claimed that you couldn't have gay sims.  My two female sims decided they wanted to get married with almost no help from me.  Lulz.  Sims has teh gey, Matt.  XD

( Sims, and a few other things. )

More crying.  How unpleasant...in better news, however, got the Sims 2 for myself, since Sims 3 can't run on my machine--I checked the requirements, my processor is too slow.  Or something like that.  Anyway.

Sims 2 works almost completely...except that it has trouble loading families.  I can go through the whole family creation thing up to the point of clicking the 'finished' button, and then it starts to load it...and locks up.  Annoying.  But I'm still working on it.  Am creating a family of my detectives.  They are adorable, although seeing a smiling Svyrnn is...creepy.  Really creepy.  O_o

Finished the exam.  I felt pretty confident on most of it, although there were a few problems I couldn't completely finish.  But hopefully I'll get at least partial credit on those...well, I hope I did okay.  I'm pretty sure I at least passed...I'm gonna stop thinking about it now.  Time to numb my brain with video games.  That will help.  Auuuugh, math...

Ahhhh, I e-mailed Victor about writing me a recommendation (I'm not sure when he has open hours for someone to just drop in, and I'm taking an exam for most of the day, so I figured e-mail would be a good idea...)...e-mailing people about stuff like that always makes me so nervous!  And then I sit there going 'ahhh, I can't believe I did that!  I can't believe it!'  ...yeah, I realize that's kind of messed up, but...oh well...

Taking the exam in about 50 minutes...I've studied.  I dunno, I don't feel that nervous about it.  I just want to get it over with.  Then I have to pack...gaaaah, packing...

Have stopped crying.  Now I just feel really, really worn-out.  Crying does that to me, for no apparent reason.  Also I feel nauseous.  I mean not like a little bit, earlier I was literally heaving.  Didn't actually throw up, but had those throat contractions that you get right before you throw up.  Sat still for a while and it became tolerable.  Felt slightly manic/hyperactive this morning, but have now reached a state of exhaustion.  Bleeeeh.  Feel kinda ill.

Tried to study math; didn't get far.  Just couldn't concentrate.  Listened to some music, which helped.  Music can be very soothing...kind of numbing and calming.

I don't really want to eat dinner, because I feel nauseous...bleeeeeh....maybe if they have something plain...man, this day was a bust.

Crying again this morning.  Afternoon.  Whatever.  I feel like a wreck...on a happier note, have an internship to apply to.  It's for this place that does interfaith work, and that's really important.  Also they need some tech stuff, like website updating.  I do interfaith work AND I'm a comp sci student who works as a webmistress.  Match made in heaven, right?  yeah, anyway.  They don't actually ask for letters of reference, but I'm going to ask Victor and possibly Professor Tjaden for some anyway...can't hurt.

Also I have no idea how to write a cover letter or a resume, so I'm looking it up online.  Oh God, real-life skills...I suck.  I freaking suck at life.  Also I'm crying but I don't feel anything in particular.  I mean, I kind of do, but not as much as I should.  Maybe?  I used to be very in touch with my emotions, but now I'm just...not.  I blame the drugs.  They made my emotions all...different.  And now I don't understand them anymore.

Gotta study for math, gotta study for math...oh, God, this is really not a good time for me to be all flipping out or whatever.  Stupid brain.  Hmph.

Oh well...just gotta keep on going...

( So, today. )

So, I studied a bit for math today.  Went through the problems on the first exam.  I'll do more tomorrow.  But now, I'm taking a break...and doing yet more research into human sexuality!

( Might be inappropriate for minors, so it's under a cut. )

...oh my God I sound so clinical.  Lol.

Also, Shu-chan tells me my Very First Sex Scene (that sounds like a really awful product for children...like My First Book, or something, but gone horribly wrong.  Lulz.) is actually pretty good.  Whaaaat!?  I was shocked.  I actually found it incredibly boring to write the sex.  Ehehe...I suppose that makes sense, though, since I'm asexual...what was I expecting?  *laughs* ^_^;;;;

So, since I posted my crap-tastic sex writing, here's two other pieces, which are not-porn.  That is, they are about people who want to have sex, but they don't.  ^_^;;;

( Writings! )

I took a walk to the Wellesley town library today, just for the heck of it.  Flipped through some books, doodled a little.  And then...I wrote this. 

( Warning: badly written graphic sex ahead. )

I've noticed that when I try to write anything even remotely sexual, it has a tendency to become crack and go into all-dialogue mode unless I try really hard to keep anything even vaguely descriptive in.  And also I tend to fade to black before anything actually happens.  *laughs*

I finished the last essay.  I hope I've done them well enough...I'll go run and print them out, and then I need sleeeeeeeep.  Now just the math final to worry about...

Well, I wrote the second essay.  I don't know how good it is...I had trouble finding sources in our readings.  It mostly ended up being about neo-Nazis, but I'm not sure the explanations were enough...but I did what I could.  One more essay to write...then all I'll have to worry about will be math.

I'm going to write my other essays after this, I swear...they're not actually due yet, but I want to get them done early...but anyway.

Dear self,
Why must you always pick really obscure pairings as your favorites?  The fandoms are way too small.  I HAVE READ ALL THE FIC I COULD FIND.  How frustrating...

Seriously.  Why couldn't I have been a SasuNaru fan?  There's a frickin' bajillion fics for that, but my OTP?  Not so much.  And even less for my less-favorite pairings.  Like Kisame/Sakura.  C'mon, it's awesome, right?  ...right?  ...see, this is why I need to like normal pairings more.  XD